5 KEY POINTS FOR UNDERSTANDING AND HONOURING YOUR SEXUAL ENERGY
This week, one of my best friends called me in SOS mode.
“Help!”, she yelped, "I’m falling hard for the guy... We have amazing sex, he is so present with me when we are together, but it’s starting to feel too unbalanced for my comfort. When we are apart, I just can’t stop thinking about him, and for him… I don’t think it’s the same."
"He is open to polyamory and has probably been with other women, which in theory I'm fine with… but, God... I just can’t imagine opening up to be with another man right now... there's no space!
"Oh...and did I mention?...I JUST CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM….!!!”
WHO CAN RELATE?!!!
As a woman, do you fall into fast-forward fantasising about a (good) lover and where the relationship could go?
As a guy, do you notice that you can feel a disconnect after sex and a desire to withdraw or move on?
This isn't about getting stuck in old paradigm masculine and feminine stereotypes, because there is something important here....and it relates to energy and hormones.
Over the years of studying Conscious Sexuality within the Kundalini and Tantric traditions, I've come understand some GEMS that have helped me SO MUCH when it comes to Love, Sex & Intimacy...Gems I wish I'd learnt years ago.
So here you go....
LOLA'S 5 GOLDEN RULES FOR UNDERSTANDING YOUR SEXUAL ENERGY
1. The way men and women’s hormones and energy fields work after sex is literally like polar opposites.
As a woman, you are as energetically open as perhaps you will ever be… right after sex. First, because your oxytocin levels have been accelerated. Oxytocin is the hormone that makes you feel like you are falling in love. Secondly, because of the way your body and womb open to receive the full energy of another human.
For a man, hormones are programmed to withdraw and begin to close off because testosterone levels drop dramatically after sex.
This is why it can feel like such an energetic power shift before sex and after.
The answer to this? Build a level of deep intimacy and trust in your relationship where your man....
a) actively wants to stay engaged with you.
b) if you sense him drifting away, you can ask him to hold you and be present with you for half an hour as your energy comes to settle, and feel comfortable to do so.
When there is an immediate disconnect, be it with a cold shoulder in bed or a fast exit, this can trigger deeper subconscious wounds of abandonment, low self-worth, rejection and a sense of something lost. This is because your energy field is so open.
Just remember, it’s not YOU… its hormones, energy and an invitation to slow down and build more intimacy in your relationship before taking this step.
2. The Yin & The Yang...
When you think about a woman and man’s physical body shape, you will see that a woman’s womb and sexual centres are like a delicious cave or portal that stores and can hold energy, while a man’s energy is much more insular.
This goes some way to explaining why….
3. Women and men store sexual energy for different time periods and in different ways
According to Kundalini wisdom, when a woman sleeps with a man, she stores his energy in her womb and auric field FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE. This means all the men you have ever slept with are energetically present in your auric field.
For a man, his storage capacity is ONE MONTH.
Quite the difference, would you agree?! This may explain why guys sometimes forget who they have slept with, while women rarely do.
4. This changes how able you are to relate to multiple partners at once
Perhaps this is why men often find it easier to have multiple sexual partners or be in polyamorous relationships, because they aren’t holding and storing the energy of their sexual partners the same way women do. In contrast, women can feel literally ‘full up’, ‘overwhelmed’ or totally distracted/ scattered after having sex with a lover. Many women report feeling like they 'lose themselves' into their partner as relationships progress, and part of this is down to the way sexual energy can get stored.
5. Each of us, men and women alike, are responsible for knowing how to honour and clear our sexual energy.
Why? Because it's vital life force, source energy and one of the most sacred and power things on the planet. Once you understand how important and empowering this is, you can....
1. Learn how to clear your sexual energy and honour it using practices like Sodarshan Chakra Kriya and Yoni eggs, so you can live from a place of freedom, clarity and empowerment and keep your womb space the cosmic portal of creation that it is!
2. Part of conscious sexuality is also learning how to self- resource these deep triggers of loss/abandonment when they do come up, so taking each one as a gift to loving yourself back into wholeness. This is where studying tantric sexual healing and emotional release techniques is gold.
3. Realising that as part of this, having sex is literally merging your entire energy and life force with another human, and the experience can be vastly different depending on the level of consciousness, care and intention involved from both sides.
Stay tuned for the next post where I will teach you my favourite practice for working with this, Sodarshan Chakra Kriya, described in Kundalini Yoga as 'the most powerful meditation of all time' (dramatic drum roll please!)
In light always,
L
